The Problem with Fake-Good People
So, recently I was chatting with a friend and we found ourselves on the topic of someone who I’d previously described as a good person with some pretty messed up behaviors. My friend, being who she is, immediately called that statement on the docket to stand trial.
Can you really be a good person if your character is f—ked?
What is a good person if bad people get to lie, cheat, and show blatant disregard for others and still run away with the badge of “good people?” Wth is the reward for being good? And what do you have to do to be bad? Mass genocide?
For me, I think the lines for acceptable behavior in “good people” got blurred early on as I made and/or heard excuses for some of the people around in my childhood.
“He’s a great man/great provider. It’s just that he cheats on his wife religiously.”
“He loves his kids and his family, he just has trouble keeping his hands to himself.”
“She’s so fun to be around, but she drinks like a fish and you can’t rely on her for anything important.”
As I got older and started to take on leadership roles, I think the issue became confounded because a prominent phrase I’d often hear in terms of disciplinary actions was, “Remember, it’s not about the person. It’s about the behavior. The behavior is what’s unacceptable. It’s nothing personal.”
I, to this day, keep that in the back of my mind when trying to resolve personal conflicts. “Ok. I love this person, but this right here ain’t gonna work. So how do we fix issue?”
It’s never “them” I’m trying to fix. It’s always just the “issue.”
But at what point is them being f—ked up individuals just the damn issue? Period.
At what point do you move folks out of the good people balcony seats of your life and throw them in the mosh pit with the rest of the interesting people who have the potential to be dope af one day?
When is a good person with distinct character flaws just flaw AF!?
You’ve probably gotten to this point expecting an answer.
I don’t have it. I’m in search of that too. And it’s not to be confused with the search for perfection because that’s not the goal either. Just common golden-rule goodness is all.
Talk to me. How do you classify the fake-good people in your life?
