Self-made. Self-played.

You ever end a relationship and then down the line, you see them with someone else and wonder, “HARPO, WHO THIS MAN?!”

All of a sudden all of the things you wished and maybe even begged them to do when they were with you, they’re doing it for the next chick (seemingly) effortlessly. You start to question yourself: Was it me? Was I not worth it? Is she better than me?

In actuality, you may come to learn that it had nothing to do with how he saw or valued you and everything to do with how you saw yourself. That the only difference in what he saw between you two was the cost of admission. Where you accepted $5, they demanded $20. And you’re not owed the $15. That’s the price you chose to engage at. 

We play ourselves like this all the time. We all know some real life “prodigal sons.” People who have gone through “heaux-phases,” spent years wilding out, over-indulging and living their best lives.

Meanwhile, you spent those same years playing by the rules of respectability and your ideas of what a “good woman” should be.

And yet, somehow, they’ve ended up with the life you wanted.

And you feel it’s not fair.

That’s supposed to be your life.

You did everything right.

Has he seen her “HeauxFax”?

Why, yes.

Yes, he has, sis.

And he still loves her.

You can’t get mad at that. You can’t resent her for that. No one told you to stay home and wait for Mr. Right. Some girls have more fun on their road to happily ever after. Some play it safe the whole way and hope it’s worth it. That’s the choice you make. It also has to be the choice you own. Because no one’s responsible for it but you. And no one has to live with it but you. 

I think the goal for all of us should be to make choices you’re proud of and not resentful of, no matter the outcome.

You’re able to do this when you have a true understanding of who you are. When you know and are confident with who you are, you can let your no’s be no’s and your yes’s be yes’s without fear of them betraying you. They serve who you are, not who you’re trying to be for someone else.

You don’t care about being a “Pick-Me” because the objective is never to “get chose.”

It’s to live the life of your choosing, without apology or regret.

When you do that, you can recognize that, yeah, sometimes heauxs really do be winning. And it’s not because they broke all the rules.

It’s because they played by their own.